When Your Child Refuses School: Understanding and Supporting Them

It’s Monday morning, and your child is in tears, refusing to get dressed. School refusal can leave parents feeling helpless and frustrated. As a school therapist, I want to reassure you – you are not alone, and there are ways to support your child through this challenge.

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Why Does School Refusal Happen?

Children refuse school for many reasons, including:

✅ Anxiety or Worries: Fear of separation, making mistakes, or facing overwhelming academic or social situations.

✅ Transitions: Returning after a break, moving to a new school, or starting kindergarten.

✅ Bullying or Peer Conflicts: Fear of being teased or excluded.

✅ Learning Difficulties: Struggling to keep up can feel embarrassing or stressful.

✅ Family Changes: Divorce, illness, or stress at home can increase clinginess.

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Signs of School Refusal

Look for:

Morning meltdowns or emotional outbursts

Physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches) before school

Persistent worries about school situations

Difficulty separating from caregivers at drop-off

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Action Steps for Parents

✅ 1. Stay Calm and Compassionate

Avoid yelling or shaming. Reassure them that you hear their feelings while remaining firm that school attendance is important.

✅ 2. Validate Their Feelings

Instead of “You’re fine, stop crying,” try “I see you’re feeling scared about going to school today. Let’s talk about it.”

✅ 3. Create Predictable Morning Routines

Children feel safer with structure. Use visual schedules and prepare clothes, backpacks, and lunches the night before.

✅ 4. Collaborate with Teachers and Counselors

They can monitor your child during the day, provide reassurance, and create safe spaces if anxiety spikes.

When to Seek Professional Help

If school refusal persists for more than two weeks, impacts their learning or emotional health, or involves severe panic, reach out to a school counselor or child therapist for individualized support.

Remember, school refusal is not defiance – it is often an expression of overwhelming emotions. With patience, structure, and professional guidance when needed, your child can regain confidence and return to learning successfully.