EFFORT, PERSEVERANCE, AND BELIEF

Earlier this week, my kids begged me to leave them at daycare for the full day. My youngest is neurodivergent (ADHD, ASD, SPD), my oldest is neurotypical. I never leave them a full day.  I agreed to try it for a day to see how it goes.

Well, in the middle of my workday, the Holy Spirit gave me a nudge and told me to go pick them up early anyway. I walked in and both my children were crying, and another child is yelling at my older (neurotypical) child. They both saw me and ran to me with tears, and I had to gird myself up and not get emotional as I comforted them and tried to figure out what was going on.

The teacher comes over and immediately begins to blame my youngest (neurodivergent) stating she had a really hard day today and that is why everyone is upset. My oldest (neurotypical) starts crying again even harder. And the Holy Spirit gives me another nudge, I know something is not right.

I (calmly) ask everyone to take a breath, and I ask my youngest what happened. She began to explain that ‘I did nothing wrong’ and ‘I tried my best to have a good day and keep my body to myself and when I didn’t I said sorry fast’. You could see the fear and panic in her eyes as she was explaining herself. I could see the other kids shaking their heads and the teacher getting irritated. But in that moment, I believed every word she said, and I told her so.

Then I (calmly) turned to her older sister (neurotypical) and asked about the day and why she was so upset. She started crying again and said ‘My sister is telling the truth and no one believes her.’ ‘She did have a good day and was trying really hard today and nobody believed her all day.’ ‘And just now, someone said she kicked them and I know she didn’t because I was sitting right next to her so I got frustrated and told the teacher that it was not true and she did not kick anyone and when I tried to stand up for my sister the other kid yelled at me.’ ‘No one ever believes my sister and it’s not fair.’ 

Well folks, at that moment, the Holy Spirit had to sit on me because I was ready to pop off at all of them, teachers and kids. I ended up talking to the teacher in a voice loud enough so the other kids could hear me and we got it straightened out.

All of this to say two things:

OUR KIDS ARE TRYING. Even when it does not feel like or look like it, they really are TRYING! We must recognize and reward EFFORT AND PERSEVERANCE, instead of only rewarding behavior.

BELIEVE YOUR CHILDREN. They are often the scapegoats in the room when things go wrong. The teacher readily believes other kids over them because of past experiences. Even if they mess up, FIND THE THING THEY DID RIGHT AND PRAISE THEM FOR IT. They need at least one person in their corner, championing them when everyone else is blaming them.

I thank God daily that my girls have each other. Had her sister not been there to defend her, I hate to think of what the outcome of that day and our daycare experience would be.